Funny Christmas Quotes
I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.
- Shirley Temple
Christmas is the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money.
Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.
- Ogden Nash
The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.
- Jay Leno
Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home.
- Funny Christmas Quotes by Carol Nelson
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
- Funny Quote by Phyllis Diller
Christmas, children, is not a date. It is a state of mind.
- Mary Ellen Chase
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
- Phyllis Diller
Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.
- Tom Sims
Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?
- Bill Watterson
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
- W. C. Fields
Christmas is the gentlest, loveliest festival of the revolving year - and yet, for all that, when it speaks, its voice has strong authority.
- W.J. Cameron
Christmas is a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
From Home to home, and heart to heart, from one place to another. The warmth and joy of Christmas, brings us closer to each other.
- Emily Matthews
Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
- Johnny Carson
Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.
There has been only one Christmas - the rest are anniversaries.
- Funny Xmas Quotes W. J. Cameron
The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.
- Johnny Carson
Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmas-time.
- Laura Ingalls Wilder
I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
- Funny Sayings by Bernard Manning
He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.
- Sunshine Magazine
Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.
- Larry Wilde
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
- Erma Bombeck
The threat of Christmas hung in the air, visible already in the fretful look of passersby as they readied themselves for the meaningless but necessary rites of false jovialities and ill-considered gifts.
- Peter Dickinson
Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it "white".
- Bing Crosby
